“Counting” by Carole Glasser Langille
Poetry Pause is the League of Canadian Poets’ daily poetry dispatch. Read “Counting” by Carole Glasser Langille.
Counting
By Carole Glasser Langille
“this feeling that something was missing made me despise myself” —St. Augustine
Who isn’t more than one person?
This is the wrong question. Wasn’t the answer,
“So I wouldn’t
be afraid.” Who doesn’t try
to break the fourth wall? Avoid, like a third rail,
rooms of the self? Most people don’t
add up. Pipe dreams, as if a steel pipe
smacked hard against my head.
Was it a trick, or a conversation
I had with someone I trusted that,
like winter, stole my strength
and scattered it in a storm? As if it didn’t exist,
we hide an inner life from ourselves
when who we are becomes fragile.
Death too has an inner life
just as rain, on a gloomy day, has a life it keeps
to itself. I thought I was invited
so I came, although I didn’t come as myself.
But I might be able
to leave as myself, as I turn the corner,
free, for once, not scrutinizing myself
from the house of myself.
Copyright © Carole Glasser Langille
“Carole Glasser Langille is the author of five books of poetry, two collections of short stories, 2 children’s books and the non-fiction book “Doing Time” about giving writing workshops in prison. She’s been nominated for The Governor General’s Award in Poetry, The Atlantic Poetry Prize and the Alistair MacLeod Award for Short Fiction. This poem is from her current manuscript “The Confessions” in which each poem begins with a quote from St. Augustine.
Subscribe to Poetry Pause, or support Poetry Pause with a donation today!