“I am my mother’s jjak-sarang (짝사랑)” by Chil Kong
Poetry Pause is the League of Canadian Poets’ daily poetry dispatch. Read “I am my mother’s jjak-sarang (짝사랑)” by Chil Kong.
I am my mother’s jjak-sarang (짝사랑)
By Chil Kong
I am my mother’s jjak-sarang (짝사랑)
“Her unrequited love”
You can see it in the way she layers my armor
The chain link bent from calloused hands
The steel plates rubbed to a polish
With each counter she wiped with clorox
With each toilet scrubbed to a shine
A cleaning lady’s bare heart
That forged the pieces from two continents
Sewing in the fibers of 18 hour work days
Into a coat of many colors
The colors of her determined pride
A pride I did not understand.
So instead
I brandished my brittle sword
Swung wildly at the made up battles
And never saw the tiny cuts
That never were
That never arrived
Because she stood far enough ahead of me
Took the blows
And waved the failure by
Despite her softball size tumor I ignored
Despite running away after my father’s stroke
Despite yelling at the purchase of a ring she wished she had at her wedding 20 year ago
Despite calling her a chink in middle school
Despite my shame
Despite me
Despite
Despite
Despite
I am my mother’s jjak-sarang (짝사랑)
“Her unrequited love”
And for the first time
I receive it
The ballad of mothers
In every package of kimchi
In every hope she dared in whispers
And in every question…
(먹었어)?
“Did you eat?”
(괜찮아)?
“Are you okay?”
(잘잤어)?
“Did you sleep well?”
With every word she is my shield
With every question she is my armour
And with every ban-chak ban-chak (반짝반짝) that lit my path
She was the light
So, I finally say.
(엄마)
Mom
(미안합니다)
“I am sorry”
I say
(엄마)
Mom
(마음이좋아요)
“my heart is full”
I say
(엄마)
Mom
(사랑해요)
“I love you”
Copyright © Chil Kong
Chil Kong is an inspirational keynote speaker, story coach, and artistic disruptor who speaks on storytelling, leadership in the midst of chaos and the power of “niche-Ing up” in vertical storytelling. His speech on “How learning to embrace my mother’s kimchi eyes helped me tell better stories” has inspired leaders and garnered rave reviews at multiple leadership events across the country.
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