“Counting” by Carole Glasser Langille
Poetry Pause is the League of Canadian Poets’ daily poetry dispatch. Read “Counting” by Carole Glasser Langille.
Counting
By Carole Glasser Langille
โthis feeling that something was missing made me despise myselfโ โSt. Augustine
Who isnโt more than one person?
This is the wrong question. Wasnโt the answer,
โSo I wouldnโt
be afraid.โ Who doesnโt try
to break the fourth wall? Avoid, like a third rail,
rooms of the self? Most people donโt
add up. Pipe dreams, as if a steel pipe
smacked hard against my head.
Was it a trick, or a conversation
I had with someone I trusted that,
like winter, stole my strength
and scattered it in a storm? As if it didnโt exist,
we hide an inner life from ourselves
when who we are becomes fragile.
Death too has an inner life
just as rain, on a gloomy day, has a life it keeps
to itself. I thought I was invited
so I came, although I didnโt come as myself.
But I might be able
to leave as myself, as I turn the corner,
free, for once, not scrutinizing myself
from the house of myself.
Copyright ยฉ Carole Glasser Langille
“Carole Glasser Langille is the author of five books of poetry, two collections of short stories, 2 childrenโs books and the non-fiction book โDoing Timeโ about giving writing workshops in prison. Sheโs been nominated for The Governor Generalโs Award in Poetry, The Atlantic Poetry Prize and the Alistair MacLeod Award for Short Fiction. This poem is from her current manuscript โThe Confessionsโ in which each poem begins with a quote from St. Augustine.
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